I learn by going where I have to go.

As Aslan (one of my favorite fictional characters even though I've long since left evangelical Christianity behind) says to Peter before he becomes High King of Narnia, "If you had been certain you were ready, it would have been proof that you were not." I think you cannot be ready for wealth until you are ready to live on what you have. I think you cannot be ready for success unless you're ready to accept the challenge of failure. And I think you cannot be ready to be married until you are ready to not be.

I've known some people who were dead-set on getting married, and I've had some friends who gave the "propose or leave" ultimatum. They could not imagine happiness without the ceremony, the certificate, the thin metal band that binds. For some of them, it's worked out; for some of them, it hasn't. But I think the key here is that, until you realize that marriage (at least, of the sort that involves choice) is nothing more than a ritual that cements a commitment already in place, you cannot be prepared for it. I see a wedding much like a commencement ceremony; yes, you'd graduate even if you didn't get handed that diploma cover, but it is a celebration of what you have achieved, and an encouragement that your dedication is worth it all. And, at least in my case, it's gonna be a heck of a party.

But it wasn't until recently, when I had a chance to examine my thoughts in this area, that I realized how much my opinions on this had changed in the past few years. You see, I used to be one of the ultimatum-givers, out of fear, or societal pressures, or biological drives; who knows? But I know now that I'd be all right not married to the man I love, because in the end it is not the wedding that cements my choice; it is the choice itself, and my continuation of it. You never choose anything just once, after all; if you stay, that is a perpetual choice. As a Wise Wren told me once, it matters less why you chose something in the first place than it does why you continue to choose it. And my choices are based on much more solid ground than they used to be, so I'm content.

At one point I was certain I never wanted to be married; now, I realize I don't want to be married for its own sake, either. It is still something I'd prefer; like John Lennon, I think that that ritual still has some meaning to it. (And when else does a girl get to wear a tiara all day?) I still have a lifetime of learning ahead of me, for sure. I am growing up, and losing some illusions...perhaps to acquire others. But I think that perhaps, just perhaps, I'm edging my way towards wisdom, too.